my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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