so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize