Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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