I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies