I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?