I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is