dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.