plz talk dirty to me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.