I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize