Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
