I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
