Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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