Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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