I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
