yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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