uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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