I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this