I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me