Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.