do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
