was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
