did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
