i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
