was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.