Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.