I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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