im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
tell me about the eggs
Randomize