man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...