Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders