dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY