I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man