; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.