I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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