Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
