So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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