i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I need to stop coming to work sober
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
