Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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