I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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