i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
