I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Less talking, more tequila
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
