I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
