Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
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I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth