Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.