so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?