so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
