i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize