Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
