why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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