imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
