the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
