Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she told me i tasted like america
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pants are for mortals
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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