u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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