If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize