if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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