I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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