I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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