I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
