omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize