My pussy is not your playground.
should my penis look like a turkey
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
