He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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