so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments