Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.