I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.