my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.