You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.