I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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