I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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